Contemplating on the Colour Blue
by soulwithwings
Summary: Humans despise solitude. This is why they choose to surround themselves with perpetual noise, and why they choose to congregate together. The real worry is when one of them ceases to be, and lonely ones are left behind. What happens to them then?
1. Contemplation Comes In Different Forms

*****  
Sequel to 'Heero After the War,' maybe more of a prequel.. well... Not really. But please r + r anyway. =D  
First: Eh, you all know the deal. =D I write, you read, I thank you for reading. Simple as that. =D  
Second: Should I continue with this or abandon it?  
Third: I'm tired. All the time. =( I wonder why. Oh well. I suppose I'll live. =P Enjoy.  
*****  
  
A pair of clicking heels announced the arrival of the nurse. She set down her clipboard and peered over her silver-rimmed glasses at the boy in front of her. He was an odd case. A war veteran.   
"How are you feeling today, Mr.Yuy?"  
"Fine." He always gave the same response. The nurse raised an eyebrow.  
"No problems?"  
"None." Heero turned suddenly to his TV set, compelled to turn to the news, oddly enough. He'd never really been a fan of the news.  
"You probably won't want to watch that, Mr.Yuy..."  
"Why's that?" He growled. He flicked it on and watched patiently as the news anchor went through the daily events.  
'...And today,' The anchor began. 'We have several sad news stories. Firstly, beloved by all, peace minister, Relena Peacecraft was found dead today, after a bizarre accident...' Heero tuned out all sound, feeling his heart pounding painfully in his throat and his pulse quickening rapidly. His breaths came out short and shallow, as though he had just broken the surface of a deep pool he had been immersed in for well over a minute.  
'No... That can't be possible...' Heero's eyes widened as he tried to reason with the truth. 'She's too strong to die that easily... She's stronger than me.. Stronger than I ever was...'  
  
Heero stood up suddenly; his breath returned to normal. Heero's heart slowed and quietened, as he ripped the ultra-Venus needle from his arm.  
"Sir! Please, relax-"  
"I'm leaving now." Without another word he ran from the room, down the hall, and towards the exit. An alarm sounded. 'Typical...' Several men ran out to capture him as he neared the door; he took out the first six easily. Suddenly a man grabbed him from behind, and injected something into his shoulder. He cursed aloud and threw the man to one side, still running for the door, but by then the sedatives had taken effect. His vision became blurry almost instantly, and he fell to the floor in a crumpled and useless heap. '...No....!'  
  
'Heero...' A voice called him. Where was he? Surely he hadn't heard...  
"...Relena?"  
'Yes, Heero... It's me...' The voice was distorted, as though it had been stretched in some way...  
"Where are you?"  
'Over here...' A girl stepped out of the shadows backwards, her blond hair shimmering in the faint light. She raised in a hand in greeting but would not face him.  
'Heero...'  
"Are you still alive, Relena? Why didn't you tell me?"  
'Heero...' The voice laughed slightly, then turned cold... LOOK WHAT YOU DID YO MY FACE!' She turned around, her skin dripping off her skull, rotting and writhing in her very hands as she held them up to Heero. 'LOOK WHAT YOU DID!" The image faded to black.  
  
Heero sat up straight suddenly, breathing heavily. Something had awakened him from that nightmare, and he welcomed it, whether it be friend or foe.  
"Your name is Heero Yuy, isn't it?" He looked at the girl using the periphery of his vision, but said nothing.  
"My name is Reika. I'm sorry if I startled you." She bowed slightly, customary as they were in Japan. She was cute in her looks, Heero had to admit. Pig tails. Not original by any means, and yet- they suited her... He shrugged.  
"Doesn't matter. I've been asleep too long anyway." Her bangs fell down delicately over her eyes, not at all like the jagged ones Heero wore. She dressed somewhat conservatory too, in long pants, a shirt and a sweater over that. None of those fashionable miniskirts that were on the market right now... Heero shook his head. That sedative must have done something funny to his brain.  
"Um... Do you know where you are, Mr.Yuy?"  
"Heero will do, and no, I don't." The girl looked suddenly uneasy. Heero turned sharply.  
"Well... You... You're... We're in the Psychiatric Ward for the Corrupt."  
"You're telling me I'm in a mental institution? Figures. Well I'm not insane anyway." The girl nodded.  
"That's why I'm here." Heero closed his eyes, finding an image of Relena on a blue backdrop. She turned suddenly, and her face lit up; he noticed...  
'..Heero! I'm so glad you came...' The image faded again. Blue. The colour of sorrow. So this is what one felt when someone close to you died. So he really hadn't understood how the families of those men he'd killed had felt when he offered them a gun and his life... He hadn't known until now. It had taken a death to make him realize? How dense was he?  
"So in other words, you're going to get me out of here?" Heero asked glumly.  
"Well, I'll try. At the moment I just get to visit you daily. Eventually you'll be able to come outside, and gradually- if you behave... You might just get released... That is... If you want to be."  
"Understood." Heero gazed out his window, it was barred.  
'Heero...' He blocked the voice out of his mind. 'Heero!' He ignored it again.  
"HEERO!" He looked up, immensely confused, trying to figure out where the vioce had come from.  
"Reika?" He said weakly. The girl nodded.  
"Maybe I should leave... You look a little worn out. I'll see you in one day's time." He nodded and tried to pronounce the word 'goodbye,' but it failed, and didn't come out. He waved instead, numb with the sudden rush of emotion. He was a soldier.  
  
Heartbeat.  
  
Soldiers aren't allowed to have emotions...  
"Relena!" 


	2. Sworn Retribution For a Fallen Angel

*****  
First: * Disclaimer, naturally. I don't own Gundam Wing. If I did, I'd be rich, and I wouldn't have to write. Not that I have to now... But... Agh, I've confused myself! =S *  
Second: * Dedications: Here's a chapter for my pal Umi. =D *  
Third: * I need some chocolate. Sorry, that was random, I know. But no one bothers to read this anyway! And if they do... My apologies for being so weird/moronic/scary. =D *  
Fourth: * I don't know if I'll continue without reviews, I mean, I'd like to, obviously.. But... I'm not that motivated of a person. Without reviews, I tend to abandon stories. ^.^; Like my Cardcaptors fic... * Shameless plug. * Well it was the first thing I'd written... As a fan fiction, anyway... Enjoy this chapter, and please, REVIEW!! ^_^ *  
*****  
  
Heero awoke later that day; it had darkened outside. He glanced down at his watch. '7:30...' So dinner had been served without him. It didn't matter, he wasn't hungry anyway, and even if he was, he could survive for days on end without food.  
  
A cart rolled noisily down the hall outside Heero's room as he stood up and moved towards the door. There was a short schedule beside the doorway, displaying times of each daily activity.  
  
09:00 AM Breakfast  
09:30 AM Visiting hours  
11:00 AM Gym hour  
12:00 PM Lunch  
12:30 PM Library hours  
02:00 PM Free time  
03:00 PM Rest hour  
04:00 PM Visiting hour with patients  
05:00 PM Dinner  
06:00 PM Recreational Time  
09:00 PM Curfew  
09:30 PM Lights out  
  
'Recreational time. As in... What? Playing bridge with the other inmates?' Heero stifled a grin and opened his door. Patients lined the hallways, some obviously out of their minds, others who just looked mildly confused. Heero ignored them. The sooner he got out of here, the better. A man who smelled greatly of liquor stood leaning against the wall in front of him.  
"D'hey guysh... Who's thish gnew kid?" Heero wrinkled his nose in disgust and pushed past the man. He started making his way to the library.  
  
"It's not here..." Heero moved onto the next shelf. 'Where is it!?'  
"Can I help you?"  
"What?" The pilot turned to face a lady with soft brown eyes. "Reika?"  
"No. I'm not Reika, I'm Talia. Can I help you?"  
"I- I'm not sure... I was looking for the biography section."  
"Over there, third column, second shelf, fourth row. I assume you know the duey-decimal system?" The librarian pursed her lips. Heero said nothing and walked over to the biography section, keeping his eyes on the librarian.  
"R.N.... R.O... R.P.! Here..." He pulled out a hard cover book. 'The Life and Times of Foreign Minister Relena Peacecraft...'  
  
The book looked new, as though it had just been published. How had they managed to publish a book in such a short period of time? It went right up until she.... Heero choked on the words. 'Until she died.' He reminded himself. 'Relena is dead.'  
  
Heero had checked the book out and was now sitting in his bed reading. He glanced down at his watch and sighed; it was 9:30, and that meant lights out. How he hated this... This dump. He wasn't crazy, not by any means. How had they managed to find him after the war, anyway? He couldn't remember.... All these questions were floating around in his brain. His head started to pound hard. He was getting another attack...  
  
"Rise and shine, Heero!" The curtains were pulled open and Heero recoiled under the sheets of his bed as the sun hit his open, weary eyes. "Come one! Out of bed, you aren't missing another meal!"  
"How do you know about that?"  
"They tell me everything, remember? Now please, get up, Heero-san!"  
  
Heero grumbled something and sat up in bed to face this annoyance. 'San? Wait a minute..'  
"Reika?"  
"Yes. Now please Heero, you have to get going." Heero nodded and Reika left the room so he could get ready.  
  
The dining hall was full of people, and noisy as hell. It seemed that even though almost everyone was crazy in that place, they still loved chatting, and wouldn't shut-up.  
"How does one get used to this?" Reika turned to Heero in question.  
"Don't ask me. They used to bring me my meals by cart."  
"When you were too crazy to leave your room?" Reika teased. Heero's eyes fell. So she wasn't as much like Relena as he had though... "Hey..." Reika prodded as she saw him look down. "I'm sorry.. I should really watch what I say. Forgive me?" She was poisonous... But in a good way, somehow..  
"I forgive you. Just don't try anything like that when I have my gun on me." Reika froze and Heero chuckled, something completely new to him, even if it was very brief. "I was joking." Reika nodded slowly.  
"They told me you were a gundam pilot." Heero almost choked on his scrambled eggs.  
"What?"  
"You heard me. Is that true, Mr.Heero-san?" He sighed heavily. How could she be so polite and so blunt at the same time?  
"Yes, it's true, but don't go spreading anything around, all right?"  
  
Reika left one hour later, but did not return for visiting hours. Heero went back to his room. OR rather, his prison.  
  
Journal Entry, day sixteen.  
  
'I'm not sure how long I've been here. I only remember sixteen full days, and even then, they are just a blur. Reika seems nice enough, but if this 'arrangement' doesn't work soon, I'm going to have to try and break out of here again.   
  
'I can't stop thinking about her, thinking about Relena. These bastards won't even let me attend her funeral. Not that I could stand that anyway. I don't know how she died, yet, but I checked her biography out of the library. It's seems like a pretty suspicious death. When I get out of this hellhole I'll find the other pilots; maybe; and we'll find her. I know she can't be dead. She's stronger than I am, after all.  
'And I will find revenge with the man who killed her. I will have his blood on my hands. It is his fault I am plagued with the nightmares, for days on end.' Heero shut his journal, locked it, and then set it on his bedside table. He fell asleep easily enough, perhaps easier than he ever had.  
  
'Heero...'  
"Where are you, Relena? Come back... You can't leave, not yet!" A bright, piercing blue light flashed and a figure stepped out of the shadows.  
'I hate you, Heero Yuy. You let me die, you bastard! You let me die!'  
"No! That isn't true..!" He could feel his heart lurch.  
'YOU killed me!'  
"NO!"  
  
Cold sweat was lying on Heero's cheeks like a blanket when he woke up. His heart was beating painfully in his chest; he looked up at the clock. 4:00 AM.  
'I will find revenge on the man who killed her. I will have his blood on my hands.' 


	3. Escape in Four Simple Words

*****  
First: * I don't own Gundam Wing, Heero, or Relena, but Reika is my original character and copyright me. *  
Second: * Dedications! Dirge! Thank you, my first reviewer! *  
Third: * Eh... This will probably be a rather odd chapter, so... beware. Again, I implore you- Please review! Pretty please, with a BMW, one million bucks, and sugar on top? =D *  
*****  
  
"Heero-san? Where are you?" Heero grumbled and flicked on his bedside lamp.  
"I'm in bed. I'm asleep." The voice switched suddenly.  
"I'm sorry!" Heero shrugged the voice off impatiently.  
"Reika, why are you here so early?"  
"I have good news! Heero, you have been released." His hand wandered to the biography by his side.  
"Already?" He raised an eyebrow.  
"Yes.." There was a slight uncertainty in her voice, Heero noted.  
"Reika? How long have I been in this... hospital?" He grimaced slightly. "I can only remember 16 days, but that can't be right." Reika sat down on a chair next to the bed, her face contorted with deep confusion.  
"Heero... You've only been here for a day and a half. They found you unconscious outside somewhere. You only had your journal on you." Heero fell back onto his bed, face up.  
"That's... That's not possible. I was here at least four days ago, ...." He trailed off weakly. "Wasn't I?" The pilot looked to Reika who merely shook her head. "Great, so I really am crazy. Well I guess if we're leaving I should pack up my stuff Do you mind?"  
"Hmm? Not at all."  
"No, I meant could you leave the room...?" Reika flushed suddenly.  
"Y- yes, of course. Sorry!" She stood up and walked outside. Heero pulled out a large bag and began to neatly stack his clothes inside, leaving a pair of clean pants and a shirt out for him to change into. Quiet mumbling trailed in from the hall under the gap between the door and the floor of Heero's room.  
  
"Reika. I presume?" Reika nodded.  
"And you would be?" The man ignored her comment.  
"Reika, you understand that you are not to let the individual out of your sight?"  
"But-" The man interrupted.  
"Good. Do not speak of our conversation to anyone. He may be of use to me." Reika paused.  
"What do you mean?"  
"Do not question me. Just follow my orders."  
"I.... I-" Heero opened the door behind her, and she spun around to face him. "Heero! I can explain!"  
"Explain what?" Reika turned around. The man was gone.  
"N- nothing."  
  
When they stepped outside, Heero felt strangely relieved to feel the wind on his cheeks, the sun shining down, and to see the sky such a bright azure blue. Reika gestured to what he assumed was her car, and the two got in and sat down.  
  
"So where are we going?" The pilot inquired, but it wasn't Reika who spoke next.  
"Back to your place, Heero!" He spun around. Reika had disappeared.  
"What in the-?" Quatre smiled.  
"Welcome back to civilization!" Heero grinned for the first time in as long as he could remember.  
"Wufei, Quatre, Trowa! Hey- where's Duo?" A face peered back from the drivers seat.  
"Yo!"  
"We're all going to die." Heero paled. Duo let out a chuckle.  
"Not a chance! I, the great Shinigami, got my license!" A tall building, almost identical to the hospital he'd just been in loomed ahead.  
"Home... This can't be my home."  
  
Heero rubbed his eyes and reached out for his seat belt. The image faded as he and Reika sat down in the driver's and passenger's seat. She started up the engine.  
"Have anywhere you'd like to go?"  
"Yeah. I'll go home. I can meet up with you tomorrow."  
"Sure thing, Heero." Reika put the car into drive and started down the street. Heero knew he must have dozed off, since he remembered nothing between the drive from the hospital to his apartment. Reika nudged his shoulder gently.  
"Mr.Yuy? Heero-san? You're home." Heero nodded to show his understanding and got out of the car.  
"Thanks for the ride."  
"No problem. Bye, Heero!" The pilot watched her leave and kept staring after her until the car disappeared from sight. There was a strange pain in his chest.  
The keys Heero held in his palm began to warm up, until the were almost searing in his palm, but he didn't wince. He didn't care anymore. He shoved the key into his apartments keyhole and wearily stepped in the door. His own home was foreign to him, his own room, his own bed. Everything looked filthy, like it had been buried in some old tomb and then dragged to his apartment by wild horses.  
"Welcome home," He said aloud. There was no answer. Heero set down his things and climbed into his bed. He would find his answers by searching for them, no matter how long it took. He would start tomorrow. 


	4. Zechs Swears Revenge

Gundam Wing no mine. Reika yes. Lawsuit bad. Sorry I've taken so long to post. Not that anyone really cares, because no one reads the fic anyway; yadda yadda yadda; self pity; please send me a million dollars....  
Ahem. The self-pity trip is now over; you may resume your reading.  
  
--  
  
Heero didn't get much sleep that night; he lay awake in fear of his actions. When he did fall asleep, torment -fire and brimstone- appeared in the darkness of his mind. Blood was spattered everywhere; the white curtains were crimson red, the floor awash in wet red pools. No matter what he did, Heero could not stop the blood from coming, nor could he find the source.  
  
Looking up at the ceiling, he tried to find a reason as to why he was having these nigthmarish and fit-filled evenings, but no answer came to mind. The sky outside was so dark; the moon was so white and pure. He stood up and walked over to the window. His cobalt-blue eyes were almost black; his expression was blank as he opened the window. The curtains leaped out towards him, the wind licking at them, trying to rip them away...  
  
Before he knew what he was doing, Heero found himself walking out onto the balcony, looking down at the pavement, climbing up onto the railing, and finally... He jumped.  
  
Heero's eyes snapped open as the feeling of weightlessness reached its peak and he rolled over to find himself still staring at his ceiling.  
"What in the hell... How many times do I have to try and do myself in before I can see her again?" Heero sighed.  
Suddenly, there was a soft voice commanding his attention at the back of his head.  
"Heero..."  
"I'm here," he replied into the privacy of his home, hoping for an answer, "is that you, Relena?"  
"Yes.." There was silence for a minute or so, and then- "Yes, I am. Heero, you need to do one thing for me if you ever want to see me again..."  
"Tell me! Anything, I'll do it." There was an unfamiliar urgency in his voice, but Heero barely noticed it himself.  
"You need to stay alive."  
"But... How can that serve any purpose? You're dead."  
"Stay alive," she repeated, "I'll see you in the a-a-a-"  
"What?" The tape recorder clicked over and Heero sat bolt upright. "Show yourself."  
  
A heighty man stepped out of the shadows, all grace and unease, silent as the shadows themselves. He bowed, his bright blonde hair sweeping over his shoulders. "Heero Yuy, we meet again."  
"Zechs. How nice of you to visit the mental patient." Heero was already on his feet, gun held point-blank towards Zechs' head. "It was you talking to Reika. I pretended not to hear anything, but it was you, wasn't it? I was wondering how she'd be allowed to keep an eye on me, much less break me out of that joint." He narrowed his eyes as Zechs laughed.  
"Not so fast. I owe you nothing. Do you realize what sort of position you're in? You're suspected for first-degree murder, Yuy."  
"If that was true, why would they let me out of the 'Psychiatric Ward for the Corrupt and Stupid Losers?' Something tells me thet wouldn't give up a felon."  
"What would you tell me if I said they weren't aware yet? You were found before the murder. Yet, you disappeared for those crucial ten minutes when my darling sister was murdered..."  
"The point, Zechs?"  
"I just want my piece of the man who killed my sister. Relena was the new queen of the Sanct kingdom. The bastard who killed her would return a nice sum of money, you know?"  
"Then I guess this is goodbye, Zechs," Heero turned off the safety switch on his gun, "unless you can give me one good reason not to kill you."  
"Well, I can't do that, now can I? I'd like to see you try. That gun has no bullets."  
"Son of a bitch." Heero dropped his gun. "Shit! Don't you get it? I loved her. Why would I kill the one I love?"  
"You're the mental patient, not me."  
Heero dropped his head. "Maybe so."  
  
Within seconds, Zechs swooped in behind the pilot, to Heero's right, and smashed a book into his head. The book was the hefty biography Heero had taken out during his stay, and subsequently 'forgot' to return. "Couldn't resist reading up on your victory, eh Yuy?" Zechs grabbed Heero by his hair, and pulled the pilot up to his shoulder. He slung the limp body over his shoulder and made his way towards the exist of Heero's apartment.  
  
Zechs was no longer a traitor to the Sanct kingdom, had he ever been. No, he'd made a new life for himself as Relena's servent, once she finally excepted him as her brother. Now that sister was dead and gone, and he wanted revenge. He carted the body off the colony and back to Sanct headquarters. He'd make Heero talk before he finished him off.  
  
Reika climbed the stairs to Heero's apartment; the elevator was broken again. The spare key she received from Zechs came in handy, too. She let herself into Heero's apartment.  
"Heero?" She checked the rooms thoroughly, looked in closets, under the bed, and behind doors. You never knew with Heero. Or psychopaths. But that was besides the point. Then, something occurred to her. She let out a string of expletives that would make the toughest sailor blush. "I swear, Zechs, if I ever..."  
  
Heero sat up, dazed and nauseous. There was something sticky on the back of his head, and lifting his hand to check (as heavy as his arms felt) he realized it was blood. "Damn you, Zechs." It turned out his arms were heavy because they'd been chained to the wall. He was sitting in prison. Heero let out a frustrated growl and maneuvered his hand into his jean pocket. There was a pick for a lock in there; he was sure of it. No such luck; Zechs had kindly removed the contents of his pockets.  
  
Footsteps echoed down the hall, and Heero hastened to pretend to be sleeping.  
"He's in here?"  
"Yes, Relena's killer is imprisoned and accounted for." Zechs' voice was distorted from the long hall, but Heero could tell it was him.  
"Are we ready?"  
"Yes. Get the rack." 


End file.
